Reviewer: LdyJulanna Signed [Report This]
Date: Jun 20, 2022 4:17 am Title: Chapter 1

I thought this story was all right. It had some good ideas to it. I like the way that you rehabilitated Damon Caine into a good guy by explaining his behavior as being vulnerable to manipulation due to the death of his son. However, I personally was a slight bit thrown off by the let's say squishy way you pretrade Peter. It's your story :-) and of course you can do as you wish because it's your story, but in my personal opinion. It sort of lost a little bit of my attention when you had Peter being equated acting and sounding at times like a little child. By the time Peter Caine had actually met Damon Caine for the first time. He had been through enough that I don't think he would've been quite that squishy just didn't mix well with me. One minute he's spitting in the guys face and I'm like yeah that sounds more like Peter. Then you have him acting like the proverbial damsel in distress. Whereas I know that something like that would be traumatic and people would have issues. I don't think in my personal opinion of personality like peters would automatically revert to being childlike. That was the only thing that was a little bit of a stretch for me. The rest of it. I was intrigued by very much.-Ldyjulanna